


Art of letting go

by ABCDYO88



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABCDYO88/pseuds/ABCDYO88
Summary: Baekhyun is so fucking miserable and he deserves it.





	Art of letting go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! yeah so here's another story, lowkey song fic and stuffs lol 
> 
> I got bored and wrote this after listening to Jesse McCartney's Mrs. Mistake and It's Over.

 

 

Same shit, different day.

 

Baekhyun does his morning routine. He still wakes up every morning quarter until ten, took a quick shower and eat his cereal right at the kitchen table. He can't even remember how long its been but the excruciating pain that he's feeling every second that passes by only reminds him of how perfect his life used to be.

 

And how he took it for granted.

 

Baekhyun used to have everything. He has a husband, he has his Chanyeol.

 

 _Had_.

 

They started dating when they were in freshman college. He asked Chanyeol to spend his lifetime with him and be his lawfully wedded husband on their graduation day, the taller said yes and just a few months after that he officially became Byun Chanyeol.

 

Everything's perfect. Everything went smoothly for the first couple of years that they've been married but of course, relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies.

 

"Hey Baek! How's your weekend?" Jongin, his friend and coworker asked as soon Baekhyun walks in their office.

 

"It's fine." Baekhyun replied nonchalantly.

 

Like every weekend, he just stay home, just sleep in and watch the movies and series that they used to watch before.

 

"Byun, I know it's been sometime but how are you and Chanyeol? Are you still in contact with him?" Sehun suddenly chime in and Baekhyun automatically tense at hearing that familiar name.

 

"No. I'm thirsty, I'll be right back." Baekhyun said in monotone, quickly getting up to get some water or whatever.

 

He was no stranger to this kind of questions. Their friends and family kept asking about Chanyeol and how he's feeling whenever they come around but Baekhyun knew better now. He tries his best not to put his business in the streets, the last thing he needs is another episode so he keeps all the conversion short and sweet then walk away.

 

After a slow, long day at work. Baekhyun finds himself alone at his king sized bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to hold on to the memories and sweetest feeling.

 

He used to have Chanyeol. His life used to be perfect but he didn't pay attention. He messed around and maxed out of love so now his heart's empty. Baekhyun used to sleep and wake up daily in the arms of a blessing but he's an asshole. He still question himself up to this day how he did it? how he did that to his sweet Yeollie.

 

At that time, he couldn't see whats right in front of him. He wasted all their years, Baekhyun ruined them and now he's learning his lesson the hard and painful way.

 

It started once then twice and next thing, Baekhyun started going home every day very late and drunk off his ass or he simply just won't come home at all. He went to every party and hit all those clubs. Baekhyun is on top of the world and the top of his game. Throwing up money and picking up different man every night, bringing them back to their rest house on the hills sometimes two at a time, pop them like pills when his prize, his loving husband is sitting at home, waiting for him all along.

 

Baekhyun never thought that one day, he's gonna come home and he'd be gone.

 

Every single inch of this huge house only reminds Baekhyun of Chanyeol. Everything reminds him of his husband. Yes, his husband because even though they separated for quite some time now, it's not yet legal. Chanyeol hasn't send him any divorce papers and he doesn't have any plans to talk to any attorney about it. Basically since Chanyeol left, he hasn't talked to him about anything and Baekhyun dreaded the day that his husband will finally ask him to sign a divorce papers.

 

Baekhyun let out a deep breath before turning his head to the side, Chanyeol's side of the bed. A choked sob escaped his lips as he remembers how his husband used to cuddle him all night, how warm and soft he is. How Chanyeol smell and how he wrapped his arms around him and whisper sweet nothings in his ears. He remembers how he used to be so happy and contented in his husband's arms.

 

How Baekhyun wishes that he could go back in time.

 

Baekhyun thought that he's clever because Chanyeol didn't suspect anything. He used to question why he was always coming home late or why he needed to stay the night at the office with worry and concern expression but one day all the questions suddenly stops. Chanyeol would still stay up and wait for him to come home, welcome him with a smile even though he's reeking of smell of alcohol and can barely stand. Chanyeol is patient and understanding when it comes to Baekhyun. Chanyeol would always text and call him to make sure he's safe and if he already eaten. Chanyeol did what a loving, trusting husband would do and more.

 

 _"I love you, Baekhyunnie!"_ Chanyeol kept on saying this to Baekhyun like a mantra.

 

But there comes a time when enough is enough.

 

It took a long time, a couple more months before the lies got told and the bed got cold. Chanyeol finally fought his heart and told Baekhyun _"No, no more."_

 

"I'm so sorry, Yeollie please!" Baekhyun pleaded with blood shot eyes. "Don't do this! Don't do this to me! to us please bubs!" He added with a panicky shaky voice as he grab and hold Chanyeol's luggage to stop him from walking out of that door.

 

"You did this to us Baek!" Chanyeol sadly replied in monotone looking at his small husband with a blank expression.

 

"I know and I regret it! I made a mistake and I'm so sorry! I don't want to lose you Chanyeol! Don't leave me please!" Baekhyun can't help but crying his heart out especially when he saw the blank stare his husband's giving him.

 

Chanyeol remains silent and Baekhyun uses this opportunity to talk more. "I'll be better bubs! I'll be a good husband! I'll try harder to earn your love and trust again! I'll make up to you for the rest of our lives just please try again with me Yeol! Don't leave me!" Baekhyun cries as he falls down on his knees, still holding onto Chanyeol's luggage for dear life.

 

A deafening tense silence came between them as Baekhyun tries to hold it together and swallow his cries. Chanyeol let out a deep breath before getting down on his knees as well so he and Baekhyun can see eye to eye.

 

"I'm sorry Baek." He started with a sad pained smile. "I know you don't think that I am not trying to fix us but to be honest I'm already wearing thin down to the core."

 

Baekhyun kept his eyes to his beautiful husband face and he can see the tears that's starting to pool around his big eyes.

 

"This is not what I intended Baek, I know I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. Ever since we started dating you always thought that I was stronger. I'm so sorry! I tried." Chanyeol breathe out but his voice cracks at the end.

 

"No! I'm the one who should be sorry not you Yeol!" Baekhyun quickly said, holding his husband big hand into his small one.

 

Chanyeol smiles a little and squeeze his hand.

 

"I had my suspicions at the beginning but I don't mind it because I convinced myself that my Baekhyunnie would never do that to me. He would never." Chanyeol started and the first tear finally escapes his eyes as Baekhyun squeeze his husband hand tightly, muttering "I'm so sorry" repeatedly.

 

"But the answer is right there in my face! The evidence is all over you! I wanted to confront you but I'm scared and I don't know how! I can't accept the fact the you're— you're cheating on me, repeatedly. It hurts so much Baek!" Chanyeol chokes out with a sob. 

 

Baekhyun wanted to pull him close but he quickly pulled away to create some distance between them so Baekhyun just settles on just holding his Chanyeol's hand.

 

"You know that you're my everything and you're the only one I have. You're the only one I turn to when I feel like no one's there but for the longest time, even though I have you beside me and holding me I still feel so alone but I love you so much Baek— so much that I suck it all up! I just sit and pretend that everything between us is alright." Chanyeol's endless tears keeps on streaming down his beautiful face breaking Baekhyun even more. He tried to remove them with his free hand but Chanyeol swatted his hand away.

 

"It's all my fault. I'm so sorry!" Baekhyun keeps on repeating but his voice comes out like a choke sobs.

 

"But maybe it's my fault! I should've called you out from the start but I guess I'm a coward. I don't want to lose you Baek, I'm really scared that you might tell me that you don't love me anymore so I told myself that everything between us is gonna be alright and for the meantime, I'm just going to love you enough for the both of us until you finally come back to me. Until you will love me and only me again." Chanyeol sadly said, his voice is barely audible as he bit his lips to stop himself from crying.

 

"I love you! I never stop and never will Yeol! You should know that!" Baekhyun said in a matter of fact tone.

 

"But it doesn't feel like that Baek, I mean how could you do that to me?" Chanyeol slowly said but you can feel the hurt it his voice.

 

"I d-don't know! I'm just so stupid. I think with my fucking dick! I don't know and I'm so sorry!" Baekhyun tried to come up with an answer but he, himself can't come up with one.

 

"I waited Baek. It hurts so fucking much but I still patiently waited for you all this time but then one day, I just can't look at you anymore! your touch even feels like burns on my skin. I always told you how much I love you but I guess loving you so much despite what you were doing took a toll on me. Everytime you come home, you smelled like sex! I can smell a different man on you everyday but I suck it all up for us. I guess you can call me stupid, a fucking martyr or something but I did believe in us. In our love, in our marriage. I believed in you Baekhyun until one day I can't feel anything. I can't feel the love anymore because all I can feel is pain. So much pain that I started to hate myself," Chanyeol stop for a moment, letting out a deep breath while Baekhyun can't stop crying.

 

This is what he did to his wonderful husband.

 

"I started hating myself Baekhyun because if I'm a good husband to you then you wouldn't do this! If I'm enough then you wouldn't need to find someone else and that shit hurts so much! I'm fine with hating myself Baek, I can live with it but then I started to feel this hatred towards you and that's where I crossed the line. I don't want to hate you but it's all too much and just seeing your beautiful face is killing me. I don't want to hate you Baekhyun, I don't want that. I want to feel my love for you again but it's just pain and hurt in my heart. I'm in so much pain Baek." Chanyeol finally breaks down and Baekhyun quickly took his husband into his arms.

 

Every tear, every sob that came out of Chanyeol is like a knife that keeps on stabbing Baekhyun's heart. Everything sinks into him, the gravity of his sins to his husband. It emotionally kills him to think that his mere presence is hurting Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol finally pulls away from him after a few minutes and when he's about to say something, Baekhyun stops him by quickly pressing a quick soft, chaste kiss on his lips. "Don't speak bubs. Maybe I won't remember the words I have not heard. Just that look in your eyes can be a reminder of what I did to you, to us and its enough to punish me for the rest of my life."

 

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol utter with a shaky voice.

 

"I deserves it. Leave me but please— just please can you take the smiles from all of our years and I'll take the tears. Maybe time can heal the pain, let your heart mend and be happy again please. I'm so sorry. I love you Chanyeollie!" Baekhyun chokes out with a pained smile as he gets up and pull his tall husband up.

 

He can't do this to Chanyeol. He can't continue hurting his husband and if that means he needed to let him go, he will do it for him, for his happiness. Looking at how broken and hurt Chanyeol is right now is killing Baekhyun. This is all his fault and he can ease Chanyeol's pain by disappearing in his life.

 

He's an asshole. He destroyed his own family, he hurt the love of his life, he threw all their years away and for what? A senseless quick fucks. Fucking stupid. Baekhyun knows he doesn't deserve Chanyeol. He doesn't deserve any second chance, he doesn't deserve his love anymore. 

 

Baekhyun forced his shaking hand to let go of Chanyeol's. His sight is blurred because of the tears that's pooling inside his eyes. He tried so hard to stop crying, to hold it together just up until his husband is out of the door. There's no more words spoken between them, their gazes meet for a moment before Chanyeol blow a deep breath, turn his back on his husband and walks out the door without looking back and leaving Baekhyun all alone to fall apart.

 

It takes everything in Baekhyun to stop himself to coming after Chanyeol, stopping him from leaving him and walking out of his life. He did what he needed to do but deep inside, he's praying and hoping Chanyeol will turn around and come back. 

 

He did hope. He still hope.

 

Baekhyun knew that what he did is unforgivable and now he gotta live with it. He needs to respect Chanyeol's decision. He deserves more than what he's giving and Baekhyun's probably going to be okay if he can get his husband out of his head even just for a damn minute but he just can't.

 

A couple of tears escapes Baekhyun's close eyes as hugs Chanyeol's pillow, imagining all the could haves and should haves. He wanted nothing more than to drift into a blissful sleep because in his dream, that's the only place that he can be happy, the only place that he can be with his Chanyeol again.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Same shit, different day.

 

Baekhyun woke up and it's quarter until ten, took a quick shower and eat his cereal right at the kitchen table and for the first time in a long time, he does remember how long it has been.

 

It's almost been two fucking years.

 

And every day of it, he drowns himself in loneliness, self loathe and hatred because he fucking deserves it. Baekhyun knows that as usual it's going to be a slow and long day at work and after that, he's going to be all alone in his big, cold bed with the thoughts and memories of his husband like the way it is for the past two years but this time, Baekhyun muster up the courage to change his usual morning routine a little.

 

He nervously hold his phone with a shaking hand as he dials a familiar number that he memorized by heart. Baekhyun almost jumps out of his chair when it rings so he quickly end the call. He just needed to know if the number still works and yes it does. Baekhyun's eyes were brimming with tears as he types away and a loud sigh escaped his lips when he finally hit the send button.

 

It's been two years and for the first time, his chest feels just a little bit lighter. Baekhyun doesn't expect a reply but he's hoping.

 

"Happy 6th wedding anniversary and 10 years to us Chanyeollie! I miss you bubs."

 

And maybe, just maybe that could be the line that may start their new story.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
